Dear V

This is to my best friend in the whole wide world, cheers to our 5 year anniversary!

Dear V,

You are one of the most funny, caring, and supporting person I’ve ever met. You mean the world to me and I don’t know what’d I do without you. I’m so glad I met you. Other than my sister your the closest person to me. We’ve been through a lot together and you’ve always been there for me. We’ve had so many great memories together and late night talks. Like making a cake at midnight🍰and having spa days🥒and filming funny videos together📸. I remember when we first met, I’m glad it happened. Remember you even came over that day and we killed our grass with baking soda and vinegar and then Annabelle had water come out of her nose. You visit us in the hospital whenever we’re admitted and help me get through tough times. Remember when we were in the big courtyard just outside the hospital and Annabelle was being weird and her iv pole tipped over. Or when we rode on them. We always go on walks and talk for hours or watch movies. Or swimming at the high school pool and always getting Dairy Queen or pizza after. Sleepovers where we play board games, watch movies, film videos, and clean your room, or clean out our closet for the 100th time. Listening to music and talk or just sing along, doing our own things. We don’t even have to talk we just hang out and enjoy each others company.

Remember the story from this photo, and oh yes I’m going to tell it on the internet, we went downtown and wanted to try on dresses, we went to the two dress stores and you said oh it’s for a horse banquet but really we were just looking, and the lady kept asking if we needed help. And the next store we went to the lady was a jerk.

Remember spending New Years together and having a photoshoot. We seemed so young in this picture.

I love your inappropriate jokes and funny comebacks. Your like my older sister that I’ve never had and your my family. I love you❤️, and thanks for always being there even if your a pain in the butt sometimes😂

Fighting Poem

Fighting

I want to give up

I’m sick of fighting

I’m going to break

I’m silently hiding

Under the smile

I’m not as strong as you think

I’m falling apart

My life is crumbling

It feels like my fault

The guilt haunts me

I wish this wasn’t me

I’m trapped in the walls

The walls of my disease

I’m silently waiting

For some hope to shine through

I feel like I’m suffocating

I will push through

If that’s what I have to do

I hide my emotions

I’m falling apart

I don’t want to fight

But there is no choice

I made it this far…

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

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Yesterday I was happy. A little girl that was innocent, with the whole world on her shoulders. A ray of sunshine. Not a care in the world. Full of energy and joy. She loved to play. Letting her imagination run free. Playing with friends and climbing on monkey bars and trees, doing cartwheels all over. Going to school and loving life. Jumping in chalked squares and jump ropes. Riding her bike and feeling free. Feeling the wind in her hair and the adrenaline in her veins. Not caring what others think or others opinions.

Today I am struggling. Not innocent anymore. Having my whole life stresses on my shoulders. No energy and not normal. Definitely not normal. The hospital is my second home. Depression, Anxiety, Stress. Panic attacks weekly. Reality slowly replacing the happy girl I once was. Seeping into all the cracks. Today I experience the reality of my disease. Creeping up to me when I least accept it. Having bad days more than good. Instead of loving being around people I like being alone. Finding comfort at night. The stars shinning just like I once was. Letting my thoughts run free, even though I feel trapped in them. Loneliness and guilt comes and goes. Writing my feeling out. Painting them away. Blocking them out in music. Feeling as though the only ones who truly understand are online.

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Tomorrow I accomplish my dreams. Travel around the world. Sell my art. Spread awareness. Pursuing my dream job and loving life. Although I still have bad days I am more positive. Although I still struggle I have lots of support. I do crazy stuff. Go cliff diving, maybe skydiving or get a tattoo. Living my life to the fullest. Falling in love or filling my house with pets and art. Going to London, Italy, New Zealand, France. Learning about different cultures and art.