Hospital Admission

I’m just going to keep this post short and simple, I’m being admitted for a lung infection. Haven’t been in for about six months, so that’s good compared to the last two years of being in every three months. Thankfully I’m done with school so I don’t have to stress about that.

I don’t think I’m going to do a hospital Diary’s this time, so sorry if I stop updating for a week or so.

Here’s a picture of my cat I’ve never mentioned.

Late Night Thoughts

Welcome to another, high quality post! So tonight I’m laying in bed with a headache, which I’m pretty sure is from stress, and a crap ton of anxiety. I mean why does it always have to pick the worst times, aka night, to attack me. I mean when you think about it anxiety is attacking you, hence why it’s called an anxiety attack. Wow, can you tell I’m sleep deprived or what! Anyways I finally decided to step up as a amazing sister and visit my twin in the hospital. I honestly feel bad about it but whenever I go there not cf related, aka anything but clinics, I get bad anxiety and am lucky if I’m not on the verge of an anxiety attack. You see how I deal with it is to push it away, like whenever I know I’m starting to have an anxiety attack I’m just like “nope not right now, not today, not ever” and then boom! I’m more anxious…no, but in reality I suck at dealing with it.

Stress

Stress

Stress

How how I’m stressed…

I had a sinus infection, now I’m pretty sure I have a lung infection, school is-well school, and I am missing my twin. You hear that Annabelle! I’m showing affection for once! Wow I’m out of it, okay…

I’m probably going to post this and then go back and read it when I’m semi-less out of it and be like, what the fudge? Anyways, I think I say anyways too much. Anyways! That’s all for now, enjoy the meme at the top, bye!

-A&R

Just some quick Late Night Thoughts

I’ve been having problems expressing my feeling lately. I’ve tried writing poems and blog posts about what I feel but I can’t seem to put it out into words. My anxiety has been growing and I don’t know why, maybe it’s because of health. I feel like my life is surrounded by my cystic fibrosis. My parents always say don’t let it run your life, control it, because in reality it’s only a small part of it. Which is true in some way but it’s so hard when it feels like it’s taking over.

I think about what if I didn’t have it, and then I promptly freak out. If I didn’t have it I don’t know where I’d be. I would probably still be dealing with some mental health issues because honestly what teen isn’t these days? I’d be in public school, not go to the hospital every month or so, not be on so many pills or have so many responsibilities. But I wouldn’t be as caring, understanding, so grateful of everything. I try to look on the bright side, because in reality if I didn’t have Cf I don’t know where I’d be or honestly who.

Spoon Theory

So in honor of Rare Disease Day I’m going to write about the spoon theory!

As most of you know I have cystic fibrosis which is a genetic rare disease that has no cure, it’s also known as cf or 65 roses. These past two years have been hard, my health has started to decline and I’ve developed depression and anxiety. I’ve read a lot of stuff and one thing I discovered was the spoon theory. It’s a way for people with chronic illnesses to explain their energy levels in spoons.

Say I have 12 spoons in a regular day

It takes me 1 spoon to get out of bed

2 to take a shower

And so on

When I’m having a bad day I’ll have less spoons

Say I wake up with 5 spoons

I have to prioritize what I’m going to do

If I use more then I have it means I’m working on negative spoons, which then takes spoons out of the next day