Just some quick Late Night Thoughts

I’ve been having problems expressing my feeling lately. I’ve tried writing poems and blog posts about what I feel but I can’t seem to put it out into words. My anxiety has been growing and I don’t know why, maybe it’s because of health. I feel like my life is surrounded by my cystic fibrosis. My parents always say don’t let it run your life, control it, because in reality it’s only a small part of it. Which is true in some way but it’s so hard when it feels like it’s taking over.

I think about what if I didn’t have it, and then I promptly freak out. If I didn’t have it I don’t know where I’d be. I would probably still be dealing with some mental health issues because honestly what teen isn’t these days? I’d be in public school, not go to the hospital every month or so, not be on so many pills or have so many responsibilities. But I wouldn’t be as caring, understanding, so grateful of everything. I try to look on the bright side, because in reality if I didn’t have Cf I don’t know where I’d be or honestly who.

6 comments

  1. I think you’re doing an amazing job at everything. It’s completely understandable and normal to feel like chronic illnesses are taking over your life. They aren’t easy things to ignore–I know I always feel more anxious when I try to pretend my illness isn’t there.

    I don’t think there are easy answers for how to deal with this sort of thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Clinical and genetic research has promising results. Whatever can be cured genetically editing the wrong sequences and genes causing trouble could be resolved in 20-30 years.
    Teens having mental problems is not a normal thing.
    I am always advising people who do not have time to focus on good and rewarding things in this life, as well as for those who think they have anxiety or those who have it, to engage in nature exploration studies in art.
    We spend a lot of time indoors, we do not move enough in a normal way, we do not work physically which is a very good cure also. For instance, light work in the garden. It doesn’t have to cause pain, but movement is very important, so is fresh air and beauty.
    I have some conditions which cause abnormal pain, but I get over mental and physical issues doing art, especially, drawing and doing watercolor outdoors. I’m writing about that in my art blog.
    I wish you to feel better an see the potential of every day.
    We have to live and do things for ourselves and this moment. Never try to please anybody or pretend that things that are important do not matter.
    Enjoy every nice minute! That is in spite of problems.We cannot focus on problems.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Brianna,
    I recently came across a book that really helped me out. It’s a strange title but has a simple concept that has helped me out greatly. It’s called Full Catastrophe Living, I haven’t even read the whole thing but the idea is easy enough to have dramatic results quickly. Btw, I work with your dad and have been following your blog for a while now. :]
    I talked with him this afternoon about that book so he ordered it.
    Here is the general idea, it’s a form of meditation. The author said that most people are always thinking about everything all at once and not living in the present moment or focusing on what is happening right now. So he has people concentrate on their breathing while sitting for about 15-30 minutes at a stretch and if a thought comes to your mind, you’re just supposed to acknowledge the thought and then re-focus on your breathing. if your mind wanders a thousand times during your “meditation”, simply understand and know that you had that thought and then return to focusing on your breathing. You don’t change the way you breathe at all, you just pay attention to it. It doesn’t even need to be breathing, it can be sounds or anything else. The key is that you are paying attention to what is happening now, not all the other thoughts, so that you practice living in this present moment.
    Like I said, I have not finished the book but in just the few short chapters, that simple process has helped me overcome some serious stress that I’ve had recently in my life. It works, and I thought that you might be able to benefit from it too.
    Hopefully something like this can add a few more spoons to your day.
    Howard

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are an incredible young woman that has a very difficult health problem, but you are soooo much more. Talented, intelligent, kind, pretty, and very brave! You should feel so good about how you handle everything. Uncle Lou I are proud of you.

    Liked by 1 person

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