It is currently 11:36pm and I am sitting in my bedroom hooked up to ivs trying to figure out what to write for my blog, so I present to you late night thoughts!
I think about what my life would be like if I didn’t have cystic fibrosis, how it’s changed my life for the worse, how it feels like it’s taking over. But then I think about how it’s not only “worsened” my life but brought some good with it, it’s brought me to who I am today. I don’t take things like going out and hanging out with friends for granted, I’m more responsible, and have a higher pain tolerance!
I also think about how I can’t fall asleep and wonder why my body hates me so much, and why my anxiety decides to show up at the worst times.
I wonder what high school will be like and what career I’m going to go into.
I try to think of drawing ideas and then give up.
I try to calculate how much sleep I would get if I fell asleep at that minute and then realizing it’s still not nearly enough.
I add up all the hours of treatments I do and hundreds of pills I take, or how many days I’ve spent in hospital, and how many times I’ve been to the hospital this year. I try to remember all the surgery’s and times I’ve been put on anesthesia yet all I can remember is it’s more than 5.
I wonder, wonder how my friends are, wonder whats going on in school, wonder if my dogs sleeping, wonder what my furture holds, what places I’ll go to this year, and how I want to improve in my art.
So what we’ve learned tonight is that I have a lot of late night thoughts!